my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
