Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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