I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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