dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
