i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
