Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
