If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
