genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
