im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
