now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
