I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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