So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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