It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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