So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
