i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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