i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Welp...herpes.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
