Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
