Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
