What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
