Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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