Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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