why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
