Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
