fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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