last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
