They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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