i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
