tell your sister to shave her snatch
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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