can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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