So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My life is pants optional.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
