Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
