I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
