Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
