if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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