i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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