Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
