shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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