I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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