This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
