i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
