I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
