So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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