you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
