I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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