I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
