Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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