before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
