dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
