Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
