just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
