I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
In America we eat man semen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
