Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
