she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
