this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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