you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
