she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
