I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
