wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
