I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
