apparently the secret to your success is patron
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
