while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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