You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
