i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
