I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
