there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
