I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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