Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
