He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
