I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
