I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
