My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
