I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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