Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
