PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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