I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
