Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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