just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
