So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize