i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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