Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He better not be in your backpack
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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