I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
