No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
