It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
