people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
my liver is dry heaving
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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