we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
