I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
