I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
there is puke in my bra ... again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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