Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
