I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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