im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
