I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I believe in your delicious
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
